When you are a young person in early recovery, the thought of staying sober over the holidays and surviving your family is a bit overwhelming. At Tarzana Treatment Centers, we have a long history of providing quality substance use disorder (SUD) and mental health services for youth. Thus, we also have a lot of experience dealing with this issue. Hence, we have successfully helped many past patients and clients navigate this challenge.

Whether you celebrate Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanza, or just going home for the holidays, the challenge remains the same. Indeed, staying sober over the holidays and surviving your family is challenging for almost everybody. However, we have strategies and tips that work in practice. If you take a deep breath and lower the volume in your head, you can attain the distance needed from the problem to address it with care and confidence.

Dr. Nora Volkow on Staying Sober Over the Holidays

In 2020 at the onset of the pandemic, Dr. Nora Volkow, the Director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse, chooses to release an inspirational message about staying sober over the holidays. Dr. Volkow says to the families of people struggling with substance use disorders, “When you have a substance use disorder, it makes you particularly vulnerable. And for the relatives and friends of someone who may have a substance use disorder, my message is to reach out to them, keep an eye on them because even if you do it virtually, that human contact is invaluable. Reach out to them and give them that support that they need.”

Despite this emotional plea by Dr. Volkow, you cannot expect your family to fully understand or empathize with what you are experiencing in early recovery. At the same time, you do not need them to understand and empathize. In truth, most family members tend to be flawed human beings with their struggles. Often, they will project their fears and worries onto the person in early recovery coming home for the holidays. After all, it often makes you an easy target for their projections and their anger. Most of the time, it is not about you, and it will pass.

Despite these challenges, there is one thing we can promise you right now: Staying sober over the holidays is not as hard as it feels. Even more importantly, remember that your feelings and fears are not facts. In reality, if you use the tips for staying sober over the holidays outlined below, you will be able to manage this challenge remarkably well. Indeed, we believe in you, and we know you can succeed.

5 Tips for Staying Sober Over the Holidays

Here are five quick and effective tips for staying sober over the holidays. Although being with your family is an obvious trigger, you do not have to let this trigger take the reins of your life. Thus, the best way to avoid this trigger is by doing the following:

1) Stay Safe by Using Your Tools

When we say, “stay safe by using your tools,” we mean the tools you learn in recovery, rehabs, and 12-Step programs. When you feel uncomfortable in a situation, you are allowed to leave. For example, you are 100% allowed to politely say “No, thank you” if offered a drink. If you are asked to toast a loved one, nobody cares what is in your glass. Moreover, use your cell phone as a tool and call a sober friend during these times. By avoiding uncomfortable environments and externalizing your emotions by talking about them, you use tools that work in practice.

2) Be of Service to Your Family

When I once went home for the holidays, I kept calling my sponsor and complaining about my family’s treatment. Finally, he told me to stop complaining and start being of service. My sponsor said, “It’s not about you all the time, buddy. Be of service to your parents. Do the dishes. Ask what they need help with.” For the rest of the vacation, I did the dishes after every meal at home, and I kept asking my parents what I could do to help. Everything dramatically improved, and we all had a better time with each other.

3) Prepare for the Uncomfortable Questions in Advance

No matter who you are, families tend to ask uncomfortable questions. Indeed, these questions can feel invasive and confusing for newly sober young people. However, you can prepare for these questions (Examples: “Don’t you miss having fun and partying?,” “Are you really going to not drink for like forever?,” and “Do you know anyone who has overdosed?”) by talking it through in advance with your sponsor or a counselor. Also, you have the right to say, “I appreciate the question, but I don’t want to talk about that right now.”

4) Do Not Expect to be Congratulated for Staying Sober

Sometimes, when people in early sobriety go home for the first time, they expect to be congratulated for being sober. In most cases, this is not going to happen. Staying sober over the holidays does not mean you need to be commended for not drinking or using. Please do not forget that your parents and other family members are not sponsors or counselors. Hence, they do not need to recognize your sobriety. At TTC, we are proud you are doing well, as are others in the recovery community. If you need to talk, either pick up the phone or go to a meeting.

5) Be Honest and Loving First

If you do your best to be honest and loving first with your family, staying sober over the holidays will be so much easier. Rather than just surviving your family, you can thrive with your family. After all, honesty and love go a long way to paving the way for a happy holiday season.